How to Address Difficult Issues in Team Discussions

Most of our interactions—especially the difficult ones—are negotiations in disguise. In their book Beyond Reason, Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro highlight how success in these conversations often comes down to addressing core concerns—deep, often unspoken emotional needs that shape how people engage. These concerns are: Appreciation, Affiliation, Autonomy, Status, and Role. Ignore them, and you’ll likely face resistance, disengagement, or frustration. Acknowledge and address them, and you create the conditions for stronger relationships, better problem-solving, and more win-win outcomes. I’ve learned this the hard way. Appreciation A senior leader I worked with was frustrated by pushback from his team. The problem? He was so focused on driving results that he rarely acknowledged their efforts. Once he started genuinely listening and recognizing their contributions, engagement skyrocketed. The team felt heard, and collaboration improved instantly. Affiliation A new CEO walked into a fractured leadership team—siloed, political, and mistrusting. Instead of pushing quick solutions, she focused on rebuilding connections, creating shared experiences, and reinforcing that they were one team. The shift in culture transformed their ability to work together. Autonomy A department head was drowning in tactical decisions because his team constantly sought approval. By clearly defining goals, setting guardrails, and empowering them to make decisions, he freed up his time and saw his team step up with more confidence and accountability. Status A high-potential leader felt overlooked and disengaged. His boss didn’t give him a raise or a new title but started including him in key strategic meetings. That simple shift in visibility changed everything—he became more invested, more proactive, and took on bigger challenges. Role A VP was struggling, not because of a lack of skill, but because she was in the wrong seat. When her boss recognized this and shifted her to a role better suited to her strengths, she thrived. Sometimes, people don’t need a promotion—they need the right role. Before a tough conversation or leadership decision, check in: - Am I recognizing their efforts? - Making them feel included? - Giving them autonomy? - Acknowledging their status? - Ensuring their role fits? Addressing core concerns isn’t about being nice—it’s about unlocking the best in people. When we do, we create better conversations, stronger teams, and real momentum. #Conversations #Negotiations #CoreConcerns #Interactions #HumanBehavior #Learning #Leadership #Disagreements

I’ve found myself navigating meetings when a colleague or team member is emotionally overwhelmed. One person came to me like a fireball, angry and frustrated. A peer had triggered them deeply. After recognizing that I needed to shift modes, I took a breath and said, “Okay, tell me what's happening.” I realized they didn’t want a solution. I thought to myself: They must still be figuring out how to respond and needed time to process. They are trusting me to help. I need to listen. In these moments, people often don’t need solutions; they need presence. There are times when people are too flooded with feelings to answer their own questions. This can feel counterintuitive in the workplace, where our instincts are tuned to solve, fix, and move forward. But leadership isn’t just about execution; it’s also about emotional regulation and providing psychological safety. When someone approaches you visibly upset, your job isn’t to immediately analyze or correct. Instead, your role is to listen, ground the space, and ensure they feel heard. This doesn't mean abandoning accountability or ownership; quite the opposite. When people feel safe, they’re more likely to engage openly in dialogue. The challenging part is balancing reassurance without minimizing the issue, lowering standards, or compromising team expectations. There’s also a potential trap: eventually, you'll need to shift from emotional containment to clear, kind feedback. But that transition should come only after the person feels genuinely heard, not before. Timing matters. Trust matters. If someone is spinning emotionally, be the steady presence. Be the one who notices. Allow them to guide the pace. Then, after the storm passes, and only then, you can invite reflection and growth. This is how you build a high-trust, high-performance culture: one conversation, one moment of grounded leadership at a time.

🔥 How to Handle a Difficult Conversation as a Leader 🔥 Difficult conversations are one of the toughest parts of leadership but also one of the most important. The key isn’t just delivering bad news and walking away, but staying engaged, even when it’s uncomfortable. I recently wrote about this in my Harvard Business Review article, “How to Talk to an Employee Who Isn’t Meeting Expectations,” where I shared strategies to turn these moments into opportunities for growth. As an executive coach and advisor, I work with leaders navigating these conversations every day. Here are four things to keep in mind to make the discussion more productive: 👉 Set the stage for collaboration Approach it as a partnership. Start with alignment: “My goal is to provide clear feedback and ensure we are collectively working toward your development.” 👉 Encourage self-reflection Invite them to assess their own performance. “Looking back, what’s working well? What would you improve?” This helps shift the mindset from blame to growth. 👉 Deliver feedback with clarity Be specific and avoid ambiguity. Focus on observed behaviors, not assumptions. Instead of “You’re not engaged,” say: “I’ve noticed you’re quieter in meetings, and team members think you are disconnected.” 👉 Reset expectations and look ahead Frame the conversation around the future. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, ask: “How would you handle this situation differently next time?” Difficult conversations don’t have to feel like confrontations. When approached with preparation, empathy, and a focus on growth, they can be transformative strengthening both performance and trust. Please share in the comments, what strategies have helped you navigate tough conversations? ⬇️ 📖 Read my full HBR article here: https://lnkd.in/eMuV9eWp #Leadership #Coaching #Feedback #FutureOfWork #GrowthMindset #Careers #Thinkers50 #Coach #Professor #Advisor #MG100 #BestAdvice #JennyFernandez

You might not want performance conversations to be personal, but trust me, they are very personal to your employees. Their livelihood is at stake. Their capability is in question. The consequences are incredibly high. My job is to stay calm and bring structure to it. Otherwise, it can become a tangled mess. Ideally, I’ve set clear expectations upfront. And they’ve been getting feedback from me at a regular clip. But sometimes, we must step back and ask, “Where are we?” Here's how I structure those conversations: 📌 My first question: "Do they see it?" Do they appreciate what’s needed to meet or beat expectations? Do they understand how and why they’re coming up short? If "No," you need to get them there. How? Asking them to self-assess can give me useful intel. You can also finesse this by getting others to provide feedback. Different words can often break through. If they do see it... 📌 "Do they want to fix it?" If the answer is "No," the path becomes painfully obvious. You can’t have people in the role that don’t want to meet it. And people willingly leaving their role is easiest. How? Finesse it by previewing the severance or exit package. Identify roles they might thrive in. Chances are they're frustrated, too. Or if they’re a great fit in the wrong role, you can discuss a trial elsewhere in the org. Finally, if they see it and want to fix it... 📌 “Do they know how?” If not, this is a great place to coach. Use questions to guide them in the direction you need. If they write the map, they tend to follow it. If they know how and are not improving, there are two possibilities: -> They’re not making the change. -> They’re making it, and it’s not helping. In either case, the fair choice for your team and for them is likely an exit. These conversations are always challenging. But they're nearly impossible when we don't have a plan. You can have conversations, or you can lead them. In moments of high emotion, clear is kind. If you found this post helpful: - Please repost ♻️ to help other leaders - Follow Dave Kline 🔔 for more posts like it - Subscribe to my MGMT Playbook 📕 (in bio) Join 30K leaders and get access to 75 practical playbooks + working templates for every challenging management moment.

🔥 Radical leaders don't avoid difficult conversations. They transform them. The most courageous act in leadership? Not the big presentation. Not the tough budget call. Not the strategic pivot. It's sitting across from someone and speaking truth with kindness when every instinct tells you to run. I've coached C-suite leaders who'd rather resign than have a five-minute conversation about performance. I've lived this personally. The conversations I feared most became the moments that defined my leadership. Truth: Psychological safety isn't built on avoiding hard truths. It is built on how we deliver them. 3 principles that transform difficult conversations: 1️⃣ Lead with curiosity, not conclusion. "I noticed X and I'm curious about what's happening" opens doors that "You did X wrong" slams shut. This works across differences. When we're curious, we create belonging. 2️⃣ Honor the whole human. Before addressing what someone did, acknowledge who they are. The most inclusive teams remember: Performance is just one dimension of a multidimensional human. 3️⃣ Make it safe to be uncomfortable. The best leaders don't minimize tension. They normalize it. "This conversation might feel uncomfortable, and that's okay. We'll navigate it together." Your team isn't waiting for a perfect leader. They're waiting for a real one. 👇 What difficult conversation are you avoiding right now? What might be possible if you transformed it instead? In Community and Conversation, 🧡 Jim P.S. My August calendar for "Courageous Conversations" has three spots remaining for leaders ready to build truly inclusive teams. Message me for details. Book an introductory meeting at the link in my Bio.

Early in my career, I needed to tell a senior executive that his behavior was harming morale. I 𝐀𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐙𝐄𝐃 over how to have this tough talk without endangering my job. There was no easy way around it. This was going to be 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃. Ultimately, we sat down together in a neutral setting. I focused on my desire to see the team thrive. The executive, while surprised, appreciated my honesty. We had an open dialogue, and things improved. It was a growth moment for both of us. 𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒! 𝘏𝘖𝘞'𝘋 𝘐 𝘋𝘖 𝘐𝘛? Here are three things that have always worked best for me: 1. ��𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐞, not the person. Make it about solving problems, not attacking character. 2. Listen first, then speak. 𝐒𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 before asking to be understood. 3. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝. Align on shared goals and good intentions to prevent discord. Courageous conversations require emotional intelligence, empathy, and care. With the right mindset and approach, you can express yourself effectively while minimizing defensiveness in others. 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒇𝒖𝒍? Share one tip below for constructively having necessary but tough talks. I look forward to learning from your experiences!

Your brain is wired to avoid conflict at all costs. Avoiding hard conversations doesn’t eliminate problems-it multiplies them. I’ve worked with countless first-time managers, VPs, and even senior executives who freeze when it’s time to: - Give tough feedback - Address poor performance - Set firm boundaries - Have that uncomfortable talk with an underperforming team member Why does this happen? Because biologically, your brain still thinks conflict = danger.  When faced with confrontation, your amygdala (the fear center of your brain) hijacks your response system. - Heart rate spikes. - Hands get clammy. - Your brain perceives the conversation as a threat, triggering fight, flight, or freeze.  This is why so many leaders either: - Overreact (aggressive, defensive, emotional outbursts) - Shut down (avoid the issue, sugarcoat, delay tough calls) The result? - Performance issues linger. - Low accountability erodes culture. - Leaders lose credibility. The best organizations-the ones that scale, retain top talent, and build elite teams-don’t just train leaders on strategy. They train them on emotional regulation and communication.  How Elite Leaders Stay Calm & In Control During Tough Talks  1. Hack Your Nervous System with Tactical Breathing Your breath controls your physiology. Try box breathing (4-4-4-4): Inhale 4 sec → Hold 4 sec → Exhale 4 sec → Hold 4 sec. Navy SEALs use this under combat stress—it works in boardrooms too.  2. Reframe the Conversation in Your Mind Instead of “This is going to be a brutal conversation,” say “This is an opportunity to align expectations and help someone grow.” Shift from confrontation → collaboration.  3. Use Nonverbal Cues to De-Escalate Lower your tone. Slow down your speech. Maintain open body language. People mirror your energy—if you stay calm, they will too.  4. Replace “Softening” Phrases with Direct, Clear Statements - “I feel like maybe there’s a small issue with your performance…” ✅ “Here’s what I’ve observed, and here’s what needs to change.” Clarity is kindness. Sugarcoating only confuses people.  Why This Matters for Companies Investing in Leadership Training - 85% of employees say poor leadership communication causes workplace stress. (Forbes) - 69% of managers say they’re uncomfortable communicating with employees. (HBR) - Companies with emotionally intelligent leadership see 34% higher retention rates. (Case Study Group at Cornell) If your company isn’t training leaders on handling tough conversations, you’re losing talent, productivity, and trust. Want to build a leadership culture where tough conversations drive growth instead of fear? Let’s talk. #LeadershipTraining #ExecutiveCoaching #CommunicationSkills #LeadershipDevelopment #CultureOfAccountability #EmotionalIntelligence #HighPerformanceTeams

I thought I had nailed the audit— until the room went cold. You could feel the tension. Ever been there? It was one of my first big audits, and I was ready. I had all the facts, findings, and recommendations. But as I delivered the report, I watched the room shift— arms crossed, faces tightened. My confidence melted. What went wrong? I had the facts, but not the TACT. Delivering tough news is about more than just the data. It’s about how you communicate it. Since then, I’ve followed this simple framework to deliver difficult issues without damaging relationships: (too much 😀) T - Transparency Be upfront, but clear. Don’t sugarcoat the facts, but don’t overwhelm them either. A - Active Listening Give people space to respond. Listen, and show empathy— it can turn defensiveness into openness. C - Constructive Approach Always offer solutions. Frame the issues as opportunities for improvement, so it’s not just about what went wrong. T - Thoughtfulness Consider the timing and tone. Present the issues in a way that shows respect for their position and challenges. The right delivery can shift the entire conversation. 👉 How do you handle delivering tough messages?

This week I met Joseph Grenny, co-author of "Crucial Conversations", and it reminded me of a lesson most managers forget. 🎯 We don’t talk about hard things enough. We pass it off as too "small" to address: ↳ That nice teammate who keeps missing deadlines ↳ That person in a meeting who constantly interrupts you ↳ The tension with your boss you can’t quite place Meanwhile these small moments kill motivation, morale, and performance. The first step to fixing a slugging team isn’t always "work harder". It’s having the damn conversation so you can create a shared path forward. If you haven't read this incredible book (link below) here are the basics: ⭐️ Crucial conversations are where leadership is tested––the stakes are high, opinions differ, and emotions run hot. 1️⃣ WORK ON YOURSELF ↳ Get unstuck: Check in, what do you need to have this conversation? ↳ Start with Heart: Clarify what you want and don't want from the talk. ↳ Master my stories: Check the stories you’re telling yourself 2️⃣ STATE YOUR PATH ↳ Share facts ↳ Tell your story ↳ Ask for others’ paths ↳ Talk tentatively ↳ Encourage testing 3️⃣ CREATE SHARED MEANING ↳ Learn to look: Watch for signs of silence or aggression. ↳ Make it safe: Pause the convo and rebuild trust as needed. ↳ Explore others’ paths: Listen deeply to their viewpoint. 4️⃣ MOVE TO ACTION Only when you've created shared meaning, can you: ↳ Decide who does what and by when ↳ Follow up and ensure accountability It sounds simple, but crucial conversations is the hardest skill to learn. It's also probably one of the most important factors for team success. A huge thank you to Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler for writing one of the best books in leadership development. --- Have you ever avoided or addressed a conversation? What did you experience? What conversations are your managers avoiding? Let me know in the comments, and let’s talk about it! Did this resonate? Share it with your LinkedIn audience! We're always looking to spread great knowledge and information. ♻️ And follow me (Yen Tan) for more manager dev and L&D shenanigans.