How to Maintain Emotional Control in Meetings

Don't let workplace annoyances rock your boat. How? By mastering emotional resilience. I used to begin each workday like a calm pond, only to be disrupted by coworker drama - for example, an unwanted escalation pointing fingers at my team when a simple call would have cleared up the misunderstanding. These irritants felt like a metaphorical boulder upsetting my inner calm. The water churns, emotions rise, and finding the right response was a struggle. We all face situations that test our emotional resilience – a passive-aggressive email, an outburst in a meeting, a looming deadline. But here's the good news: You have the power to choose your response. As Viktor Frankl famously said, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." Developing emotional resilience isn't about suppressing your emotions or pretending everything is fine. It's about recognizing the space between the trigger and your reaction and using it to choose a mindful response. Here are three tips: 1. Take a Deep Breath: When you feel your emotions rising, take a few slow, deep breaths. This simple act can activate your body's relaxation response and help you regain composure. 2. Reframe the Situation: Instead of letting negativity take over, try to reframe the situation in a more positive light. Perhaps a difficult colleague's behavior is due to their own stress, not a personal attack. 3. Develop Pre-Planned Responses: For particularly tricky situations, consider having a few go-to phrases on hand. For example, if someone is being disruptive, I'll say, "Let's take a moment to refocus and get back on track with the agenda." By practicing to take a breath, reframing challenges, and choosing my responses, I've been strengthening my emotional resilience. What is your best tip for staying cool under pressure at work? 

Let’s be real. Not every conversation you have will be smooth sailing. You’ve probably been there—someone catches you completely off guard with a comment that feels like a subtle dig… or maybe not so subtle. It might come across as sarcastic or even insulting. Your first instinct might be to get defensive or shut down. But if you want to maintain your front-row presence, here’s your power move: Pause. Breathe. Ask a Question. When you feel that sting of a potentially insulting comment, here’s what I want you to do: Don’t react — respond instead, after taking a pause Take a deep breath — literally. This will instantly calm your nervous system.  Ask a clarifying question.  One of these works beautifully:  “That sounded like a dig—was that your intent?”  “That came across as sarcastic—was that what you meant?”  “That sounded like an insult, was that your intent?” Don’t ask all three. Pick one. And ask it calmly, curiously, and without sarcasm of your own. This simple, assertive question flips the energy. It puts the ball in their court. Now, they’re the one who has to explain, clarify, or walk it back. Why This Works:  You’re divesting emotionally from the interaction. Instead of taking it personally, you’re gathering information.   You’re showing up as a confident, credible communicator, not someone who gets rattled.   You’re giving yourself time to process, reflect, and respond instead of reacting.  Bonus Tip: Ask Them to Repeat It (The Right Way) Sometimes a comment hits you so hard or fast that you’re just… stunned. You have no words. That’s okay. You can always say: “I didn’t quite catch that—can you say it again?” Say it from a place of genuine inquiry, not aggression. There’s a big difference between calmly saying, “Can you repeat that?” and flaring up with “Oh really? Say that again.” Front-Row Takeaway: Difficult conversations will happen. But you can choose to meet them with calm composure.  Keep your front-row seat by:  Taking a breath  Asking for clarity  Staying curious, not combative Because in the end, your confidence, your composure, and your credibility are always within your control. Here’s to holding your power, one breath at a time. See you in the front-row.

STOP LOSING YOUR SH*T & LEARN TO MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS.   Recently, I watched a president of a company lose his temper.   He screamed, swore, stomped around, threw things, & slammed the door. He was completely out of control. And his behavior was absolutely unacceptable.   As educated, capable leaders, we must hold ourselves to a higher standard.   You must master your emotions, because over reacting can cost you everything.    ❌ People go to prison for one reaction.   ❌ People lose their jobs for one reaction.   ❌ People lose their relationships for one reaction.   The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way.   You can learn to master your emotions & respond instead of react:   1. Increase Your Self-Awareness: Develop a deep understanding of your emotions. Regularly check in with yourself to identify how you're feeling and why.   2. Develop Emotional Intelligence: Study emotions in depth & understand how your emotions impact others.   3. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: Use these techniques to observe your emotions without judgment, self soothe & avoid impulsive reactions.   4. Recognize Triggers: Identify your emotional triggers, such as situations, people, or specific thoughts. Knowing your triggers can prevent reactivity.   5. Engage in Breathwork: Deep, slow breathing calms your nervous system. When overwhelmed, pause & focus on your breath, inhale deeply through your nose & exhale slowly out your mouth.   6. Explore Progressive Muscle Relaxation: This technique involves tensing & then relaxing each muscle group in your body to reduce physical tension that accompanies strong emotions.   7. Learn Cognitive Restructuring: Once you develop deeper levels of self awareness, you can challenge irrational or distorted thoughts that cause intense emotions.   8. Practice Emotional Labeling: Use precise words to pinpoint your feelings & manage them effectively. 9. Amplify Your Empathy: Develop empathy for yourself & others by seeing the situation from their perspective.   10. Utilize Healthy Outlets: Find healthy ways to release your intense emotions, such as breathwork or physical exercise.   11. Incorporate Stress Reduction Techniques: Daily stress reduction practices such as exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep, & time management are critical for emotional regulation.   12. Check for Side Effects: Certain medications & supplements, especially those related to hormones, can adversely impact your mood. Talk to your physician if you think this may be an issue for you.   13. Seek Professional Help: If emotional regulation remains a significant challenge, consult a therapist, counselor, or qualified coach to provide you with personalized guidance & support.   Learning emotional regulation is a valuable skill that can greatly improve your life, both personally and professionally.   To be your best & achieve your highest levels of success, YOU MUST MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS.   👉 Do you agree?

I've been thinking more about the concept of self-regulation again, especially after my last post where I shared that exercise served me very well when it came to stress management. https://lnkd.in/gpHD6GNa A colleague asked: “I'm curious to know more about how mindfulness could work in tandem with physical exercise. Are there any strategies you've encountered for integrating the two, perhaps for those who aren't naturally inclined towards athletics?” This got me thinking,especially since exercise served me better in my younger days. I've found that with all of the interpersonal dynamics that occur within any team, a method for self-regulation is essential for the leader to stay above the fray. Imagine you are leading a meeting and after gaining all the concurrence you need, one individual objects, claiming there is a better way to tackle the challenge. At first, you might feel challenged. You don’t know why, but now something is stirring within you that you can’t seem to control. “Why does this person always have to…they are never satisfied!” That emotion, deep within your limbic system, is causing some physiological response to somehow protect you, or maybe your ego. If you are able to take a step back, your neocortex might engage and the rational thought, decision making, and empathy you need to exhibit at this moment will occur. In “Calming Your Brain During Conflict,” Diane Musho Hamilton, author of Everything is Workable, A Zen Approach to Conflict Resolution, suggests four steps during this type of situation: 1. Stay Present 2. Let Go of the Story 3. Focus on the Body 4. Finally, Breathe. For Step 2, she writes: “This might be the most difficult part of the practice. We need to completely let go of the thinking and judging mind. This is a very challenging step because when we feel threatened, the mind immediately fills with all kinds of difficult thoughts and stories about what’s happening. But we must be willing to forget the story, just for a minute, because there is a feedback loop between our thoughts and our body. If the negative thoughts persist, so do the stressful hormones. It isn’t that we’re wrong, but we will be more far more clear in our perceptions when the nervous system has relaxed.” It strikes me that the story we tell ourselves, while difficult, may be something we can learn to control. Let's examine: Why does it have to be your idea? In my experience as a leader, I was the one ultimately responsible. If someone else had a better, or even just as good, idea, why not? Aren’t people always more motivated when they are executing their own idea? If it would benefit you to have a conversation about how we can self-regulate as leaders please DM me, I’d love to support you. #LeadershipDevelopment #ServantLeadership #Leaders Graeme Newell

A friend of mine called yesterday and shared a story where her boss had a massive emotional outburst during a pitch meeting. The boss blew his stack and went on a rant. Told her that he didn’t know why she would ever bring an idea like this to him. That the idea was a complete waste of his time (“I don’t have time for this BS” type stuff). And questioned the value of what she and her entire team was spending their time on. My friend defended the idea by explaining the rationale and benefits. And apologized for not bringing the right idea. The boss ended the meeting in a huff, and then predictably – the next day – was sugary sweet. However, rather than focusing on the negative, I want to share a model for managing emotional outbursts that can be used up and down an organization. It's called Pause-Observe-Name-Shift. See the attached graphic. There are some keys to success. Most people get stuck at the first one. 1. Pause and accept that you are not the problem. Whatever reaction you received, 99.99999% of the time has nothing to do with you. Maybe they had a bad day...maybe they are a Class 1 A**hole. 2. Remind yourself...Your job is to bring ideas, even if they don't always land. Overreactions to ideas can stop people from presenting them, which hurts organizations and morale. If your idea was really that far off, it's likely you didn't get enough direction from them to get closer to the mark. 3. Resist the urge to apologize, as it shifts responsibility for emotional outbursts from the other person to you. 4. Be patient. Observe the behavior, name it, and then shift the conversation to move forward. This method forces the person to confront what triggered their outburst and begin to articulate their specific objections, which can lead to identifying preconceived notions and ultimately, better ideas. I've taught this to many people, and while it can be uncomfortable to implement, it's a highly effective tool. So, what comes up for you when you think about implementing this model? What friction or second-guessing does it spark? Drop your thoughts in the comments...

Emotional regulation is a leadership skill, especially for executive assistants. Executive assistants operate at the intersection of urgency, complexity, and emotion. We are the first line of defense, the last line of follow-through, and often the emotional barometer of an entire team. That’s why emotional regulation isn’t a “nice to have” for EAs. It’s a core leadership skill. Not soft. Not fluffy. Not extra. Essential. Emotional regulation is the ability to identify what you’re feeling, stay grounded in it, and choose your response instead of reacting on autopilot. It’s what allows you to show up calm in the middle of chaos, patient in the face of pressure, and clear-headed when everyone else is spinning. And let’s be real. There’s plenty of spinning. Most of us weren’t taught how to feel. We were taught how to perform. But emotional suppression doesn’t make you stronger. It builds up and leaks out in ways you didn’t intend. A curt email. A passive comment. A rushed mistake. That’s why learning to name your feelings is the first step in regulating them. When I came across the Feelings Wheel, it honestly changed how I show up. It helped me get more specific. ➡️ I’m not just “stressed.” I feel overwhelmed and unappreciated. ➡️ I’m not just “fine.” I feel disconnected and bored. ➡️ I’m not just “tired.” I feel discouraged. When you get precise with your emotions, you get powerful. You can respond with intention instead of defaulting to silence, sarcasm, or burnout. Regulated EAs are trusted EAs. Why? Because people trust what they feel in your presence. When you regulate your own nervous system, you create stability. That ripple effect is massive. It influences how your executive makes decisions, how teams operate under pressure, and how culture is actually lived, not just described. You: ➡️ Catch the tone behind the words ➡️ Pause instead of pounce ➡️ Navigate hard conversations with clarity and respect ➡️ Keep the energy grounded when the stakes are high That’s not just support work. That’s leadership. A popular quote I love that often gets misattributed to Warren Buffett says: "You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing everything with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you, that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass." Even if he didn’t say it, the message still resonates. The ability to pause, breathe, and choose how you respond is the definition of emotional maturity. And emotional maturity is what leadership actually feels like. Emotional regulation isn’t one more thing on your plate. It is the plate. And for executive assistants who are holding space for everyone else, it’s one of the most strategic skills you can develop. Have you used the Feelings Wheel before? I’d love to hear how you’re building emotional fluency in your own work.

One of my favorite self-regulating questions when emotions are high: “Is this going to get me the outcome I want?" I used this as a tool in my corporate years when I was struggling with internal conflict that eventually led to me leaving that career. I was experiencing burnout and much more (if only I had the inner work under my belt then that I do now!), and this became a potent, in-the-moment centering tool. I remember a specific incident that had me hitting a high level of frustration around office politics. I'm sure many of you can relate. And it happened a few minutes before an important meeting. Although no one would've known that frustration was going on, I could feel it (I was a champion when it came to hiding emotion and compartmentalizing, as I'm sure many of you can also relate to). I wasn't able to fully recenter before the meeting, so instead, I let this question be the lens and North Star for how I showed up. When I could feel my frustration trying to take the lead, I would ask myself if this input, this reaction, or this body language, was going to help get me the outcome I wanted in that meeting. And if the answer was no, I asked myself what was and let that lead. We are human. When we are living in fast-paced or high-stress environments, it doesn't always feel possible to fully recenter and ground ourselves at all times. And that's OK. When that happens, we can support ourselves by making that re-centering action or step smaller and more specific based on the current need. Whether it's at work or at home, choose a question like this to use as your short-term North Star to help you show up in a supportive way during challenging times, vs. the way your emotion is pushing you to. #support #conflict #tools _________ Hi, I’m Ashley. I help high performers navigate challenges and create growth at work, at home, and within. Follow and tap 🔔 for more #personaldevelopment, #awareness, #mindset, and #coaching content.

He went around her, straight to her boss, to look like a big shot and she was close to tears. "I shouldn't be so angry. I don't know why I'm upset. It's not a big deal." But it was a big deal, her anger was there to tell her something and she was getting more upset because she was trying to pretend everything was fine. Pretending is not ending when it comes to emotions. It's like trying to hold a beach ball under the water. The surface looks calm but one false move and SPLASH it comes popping back up in your face. Emotions are not your enemy. They are messengers with important information and they will not rest until the message gets through. In this case, my client's anger came from someone on the team disregarding the review process and creating confusion and extra work. Her upset came from her discomfort with addressing it clearly and directly. Once she was able to calm down we talked through the whole scenario so she could get a clear point of view on it, create a plan for follow-through, sketch out her conversation and review tools she could use to stay calm and present. This grounded her in the ultimate objective: reinforcing a streamlined approach to the work, which benefits the whole team, while maintaining and maybe even strengthening her relationship with her co-worker. By the end of the session, she was calm, clear and confident and had a plan for staying centered if she got a little shaky as she followed through. If you want to have this kind of empowering conversation every week let's chat. DM me or click the link in my profile to plan a complimentary coaching consultation. We'll talk about where you are, where you want to go and exactly how to get there. P.S. Here's a tool to settle your nerves so you can think straight: BOX BREATHING Breathe in to a count of 4 Hold it for a count of 4 Exhale slowly for a count of 4 Rest with empty lungs for a count of 4 Repeat for 1-5 minutes Let the beach ball float lightly on the surface. It's okay to not know exactly how everything's going to turn out. Get your own back and go. #UnderThinkIt -------------------- I'm Lisa, a 1:1 coach for empathetic achievers who think too much. I'll help you kick the overthinking habit and become calm, confident and decisive. Decisiveness is your superpower! It defeats negativity and fuels success, however you define it. Ready to get to work? 📩 DM me or click the link in my profile to schedule a complimentary consultation. 💡 Sign up for weekly inspiration at lisastryker -dot- com #fulfillment #success #bestadvice #personaldevelopment #leadership