Tips for Disagreeing with Senior Leaders Respectfully

How to speak up when it feels safer not to. 10 ways to challenge with respect. You’ve been in this meeting. A senior team gathers to discuss a big decision. Someone says something that doesn’t sit right. Everyone notices. Everyone hesitates. And then... silence. Because speaking up feels risky. But staying silent? That costs even more. After decades in these rooms, here’s what I’ve learned: 1) If you don’t speak up, people assume you agree. → Silence doesn’t protect you—it defines you. → Say: “I see it differently—can I explain why?” 2) Being first is uncomfortable. → But it opens the door for others to follow. → Ask: “Is anyone else thinking about it differently?” 3) You teach people how to treat you. → Every “sure” tells them their idea is fine. → Try: “I don’t love that direction—here’s why.” 4) Disagreeing isn’t disrespectful. → Tone matters more than opinion. → Say: “Would it be okay if I offered a pushback?” 5) Fake harmony blocks real solutions. → If no one disagrees, nothing gets better. → Try: “I wonder what we’re not saying yet?” 6) Credibility builds real influence. → People listen to who earns their respect. → Build it by asking smart questions. 7) Silence sends a message, even if you didn’t mean to. → People assume you're on board. → Say: “I have another take -- can I share it?” 8) You don’t need everyone to agree. → But you do need to speak clearly. → Say what you mean in one sentence, then pause. 9) You don’t need a title to lead. → Trust is built by what you do, not what you have. → Be the steady voice people rely on when it counts. 10) People remember who spoke when they couldn’t. → Your voice might be the one they needed. → That’s leadership. 💬 If you don’t say it, no one will. ✅ Speak with purpose. ✅ Challenge with respect. ✅ Lead with credibility, not just a title. You don’t have to take over the room. You just have to move it forward. What’s one phrase or approach you use to challenge with respect? Please share 👇 ______________________ ♻ Repost to remind someone that quiet isn’t always safe. 👉Follow Stephanie Eidelman (Meisel) for more ways to grow your visibility and influence at work. 📫 Subscribe to my free newsletter, The Career Edit, for tools to lead with confidence: https://hubs.la/Q03dY9_n0

Amazon is famous (infamous?) for having some pushy, demanding leaders. You can handle pushy leaders with my simple approach: I was personally easy to get along with while be professionally firm when needed. No matter where you work, there will be difficult people. Some of these people will "come at you" with challenges or demands. One style of leadership is to make an assertion and see if anyone challenges it. By saying "I think you should do X" I both find out if you have a better idea and if not, you do what I think anyway. Pretty win/win from a pushy perspective. In one example at Amazon, Jeff Wilke, the CEO of Amazon retail, was upset at a recent launch failure by my team. His justifiable frustration led him to question and doubt every part of our product. I eventually simply leveled with him and said "look, we screwed up the implementation of a button on a web page. Absolutely a terrible mistake and if you want to punish us for it, I understand. But, the technology *behind* the button works just fine. Don't throw out the working technology because we messed up a button." Here I was not fighting, I was accepting responsibility for the problems and for any consequences. But I was firmly making the case for the underlying technology. Jeff paused and reflected. Then he said, "that's a pretty good argument." Not only did he support the core technology, but he became less upset about the problems because we were not denying them. What you can do: 1) Remain calm if at all possible! Emotion triggers more emotion in return, and spirals. --Even if criticized, try to take it in stride in the moment --If you need to, ask for a break and come back later 2) Stick firm to your points --Calmly state your case What works here is the contrast. When you disagree with someone in words while being truly agreeable in demeanor, many people will match your conduct. They will discuss with you rather than attack you. In a business room, most people do not want to be seen as ranting jerks (even if they are pushy people by nature). If they lash out at someone who is calmly stating reasonable points in an even voice, they look like they have lost control. "Strong" leader types never want to appear out of control. Thus, if you are calm, they usually have to remain calm with you. This process is not easy! 1) It takes a lot of practice --Whenever possible, talk yourself through your response to emotional prodding before the meeting --an excellent trick is to decide in advance, "if this escalates, I will become more quiet, calm, and firm in response" --by deciding your response in advance, you can avoid escalation 2) I definitely failed sometimes and got into unproductive debates 3) Sometimes I know I was the "pushy, demanding" leader, particularly early in my career. --to those I pushed unreasonably, a sincere apology. I do not regret trying to get a lot done; I do regret my immature approach Comments?

If my leader and I didn’t see eye to eye, here’s the approach I’d take to bridge the gap to possibly create a productive dialogue: 1️⃣ Take a moment to understand my own perspective, what’s the cause of disagreement? Is it a matter of principle, strategy or something else? 2️⃣ Try to understand my leader’s point of view, what pressures might they be under and what’s their end goal? 3️⃣ Practice active listening, ask clarifying questions to understand their stance. 4️⃣ Base my arguments on evidence, leaders are often swayed by data that illustrate potential outcomes and benefits. 5️⃣ Offer alternative solutions that may align with my leader’s goals so we can reach a compromise. 6️⃣ Hold the conversation in a private setting to avoid unnecessary tension. 7️⃣ Be open to receiving feedback 8️⃣ Be respectful 9️⃣ If an agreement is reached, document the steps each party is to take 🔟 Hold myself accountable to any compromise or solution agreed upon and expect the same from my leader If none of these works and we are constantly disagreeing, it’s time to find a new job 😀 Please share any tips you may have in the comments to help others! #careerdevelopment #careercoaching #leadership #leadershiplessons