Tips for Maintaining Composure During Communication

Let’s be real. Not every conversation you have will be smooth sailing. You’ve probably been there—someone catches you completely off guard with a comment that feels like a subtle dig… or maybe not so subtle. It might come across as sarcastic or even insulting. Your first instinct might be to get defensive or shut down. But if you want to maintain your front-row presence, here’s your power move: Pause. Breathe. Ask a Question. When you feel that sting of a potentially insulting comment, here’s what I want you to do: Don’t react — respond instead, after taking a pause Take a deep breath — literally. This will instantly calm your nervous system.  Ask a clarifying question.  One of these works beautifully:  “That sounded like a dig—was that your intent?”  “That came across as sarcastic—was that what you meant?”  “That sounded like an insult, was that your intent?” Don’t ask all three. Pick one. And ask it calmly, curiously, and without sarcasm of your own. This simple, assertive question flips the energy. It puts the ball in their court. Now, they’re the one who has to explain, clarify, or walk it back. Why This Works:  You’re divesting emotionally from the interaction. Instead of taking it personally, you’re gathering information.   You’re showing up as a confident, credible communicator, not someone who gets rattled.   You’re giving yourself time to process, reflect, and respond instead of reacting.  Bonus Tip: Ask Them to Repeat It (The Right Way) Sometimes a comment hits you so hard or fast that you’re just… stunned. You have no words. That’s okay. You can always say: “I didn’t quite catch that—can you say it again?” Say it from a place of genuine inquiry, not aggression. There’s a big difference between calmly saying, “Can you repeat that?” and flaring up with “Oh really? Say that again.” Front-Row Takeaway: Difficult conversations will happen. But you can choose to meet them with calm composure.  Keep your front-row seat by:  Taking a breath  Asking for clarity  Staying curious, not combative Because in the end, your confidence, your composure, and your credibility are always within your control. Here’s to holding your power, one breath at a time. See you in the front-row.

EMOTIONAL IQ > This week before you respond to an email, phone call, or not so pleasant situation, be careful on being so reactionary. When you receive an unpleasant email, it’s always a good practice when you write an email response, to NOT hit send. Come back to it. You will often read the email and say to yourself, what was I thinking responding like this. You can then send a much calmer and more appropriate response later. Or when you receive an unpleasant voicemail, do not respond with a phone call right away. Give yourself time to collect your thoughts and then respond later when you can have a much calmer and intelligent conversation. We need to be giving greater emphasis to the importance of how we respond to the emotion’s communication can trigger. A step back can be one of the most helpful decisions you can make. It is always good to hit pause since it helps you compose your thoughts and brings you into the present moment. For interactions with people, just hold off and listen. There’s no rule that you have to say anything immediately. Notice the thoughts that go through your mind and simply observe them without attachment. Where possible don’t feel you need to respond immediately as it can be very important to give yourself time. In other words, WAIT before responding to work out what needs to be considered most in making important decisions. This does not show weakness but can be an important opportunity for working out what needs to be given priority in decision-making which is not always what our emotions can trigger in us. Embrace a 10 second rule. Whenever the temperature in a conversation starts to go up, pause for 10 seconds before you respond. That's it--just stop and wait. In almost every situation where a conversation is getting out of hand, the 10-second rule can help diffuse your emotions and refocus on the people and your purpose. You'll be surprised how much time 10 seconds really is in terms of giving you a chance to collect your emotions and your thoughts. You might be even more surprised to discover how effective it is at getting a conversation back on track. The ability to not react when provoked is a superpower. It saves energy, lives, and preserves relationships. Afterall, showing your emotions in an email or during a conversation is like bleeding in front of a shark. It’s not going to turn out well for you. Your ability to communicate effectively is your most critical skill. More so as a manager or leader…your ability to produce results as a leader is constrained directly by your ability to communicate with your team, peers, and superiors. You cannot see your reflection in boiling water. Similarly, you cannot see the truth in a state of anger. When the waters calm, clarity comes. Cheers! JR

It’s taking a beat before reacting. Especially when you want to explode. This is a superpower that we all possess but it takes strength to choose it. Here are a few suggestions on how… 1. **Pause and Breathe**: Take a moment to breathe deeply. Count to ten or take a few deep breaths. This helps to calm your nerves and gives you a moment to collect your thoughts. 2. **Identify Your Feelings**: Acknowledge your emotions. Are you angry, hurt, or disappointed? Understanding your feelings is the first step to managing them. 3. **Reframe Your Thoughts**: Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of the person or situation, try to see things from their perspective. This can help you empathize with them. 4. **Choose Your Words Wisely**: When you respond, think about how your words will affect them. Aim to express your feelings calmly. You might say something like, "I feel frustrated when this happens," instead of attacking the person. 5. **Take a Break**: If emotions are running high, it might be a good idea to walk away for a little while. This allows both parties to cool down before re-engaging in a conversation. 6. **Practice Active Listening**: When you talk, listen to what the other person has to say without interrupting. This shows respect and can help you understand their viewpoint better. 7. **Focus on Solutions**: Instead of dwelling on the negative behavior, try to discuss ways to improve the situation or prevent it from happening again in the future. 8. **Use Humor**: If appropriate, a light-hearted joke can diffuse tension. Just make sure it’s in good taste and won’t come across as sarcastic. 9. **Set Boundaries**: Being kind doesn’t mean you have to accept bad behavior. If necessary, assertively set boundaries while maintaining a respectful tone. 10. **Reflect Later**: After the interaction, take some time to reflect. What strategies worked? What could you do differently next time? This helps you grow and handle future conflicts with more grace. Remember, kindness doesn’t mean you have to suppress your feelings. Being kind while addressing issues can lead to healthier and more constructive relationships. #BeKind #KindnessisaStrength #

Don't let workplace annoyances rock your boat. How? By mastering emotional resilience. I used to begin each workday like a calm pond, only to be disrupted by coworker drama - for example, an unwanted escalation pointing fingers at my team when a simple call would have cleared up the misunderstanding. These irritants felt like a metaphorical boulder upsetting my inner calm. The water churns, emotions rise, and finding the right response was a struggle. We all face situations that test our emotional resilience – a passive-aggressive email, an outburst in a meeting, a looming deadline. But here's the good news: You have the power to choose your response. As Viktor Frankl famously said, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." Developing emotional resilience isn't about suppressing your emotions or pretending everything is fine. It's about recognizing the space between the trigger and your reaction and using it to choose a mindful response. Here are three tips: 1. Take a Deep Breath: When you feel your emotions rising, take a few slow, deep breaths. This simple act can activate your body's relaxation response and help you regain composure. 2. Reframe the Situation: Instead of letting negativity take over, try to reframe the situation in a more positive light. Perhaps a difficult colleague's behavior is due to their own stress, not a personal attack. 3. Develop Pre-Planned Responses: For particularly tricky situations, consider having a few go-to phrases on hand. For example, if someone is being disruptive, I'll say, "Let's take a moment to refocus and get back on track with the agenda." By practicing to take a breath, reframing challenges, and choosing my responses, I've been strengthening my emotional resilience. What is your best tip for staying cool under pressure at work? 

You do it. I’ve done it.  We need to stop. Last year, I was doing some self-reflection. I wanted to improve my conversations. The answer came, "Stop being defensive." Wait, what? I did not feel like I was? I looked a bit closer and started to see opportunity to change and get better. You’ve seen the sign but ignore it. Warning: “Do Not Escalate” Why do your conversations sometimes go sidewise? Let's talk about the art of staying grounded. Why does the choice not to be defensive matter? I’m not talking about the stomp-your-foot talk or the angry and strong response talk. → I’m talking about the subtle defensiveness we all do.  It can often start with an innocent response. You share an idea, a thought, a help, and it lands wrong.  → We want to straighten it out.  → Correct them, if you will.  Watch out for that. Maybe, don’t do that.  Here's what you don't need: 1. Communication that unnecessarily escalates conflicts. 2. A mindset that blocks understanding and empathy. 3. An attitude that damages relationships over time. Three Stop Signs You Should Heed: 1. Stop defending every stance you hold.  2. Stop letting defensiveness hinder your communication.  3. Stop allowing defensiveness to strain your relationships.  Choosing not to defend every stance will transform conflicts into conversations. → It's about picking your battles wisely. Want to let go of being defensive? Here's what you do need: 1. Openness to listen without immediate judgment. 2. Patience to let the moment pass and respond when the time is right. 3. Courage to address misunderstandings with clarity, perhaps later. Embrace the Power of Pause: → Give space for dialogue to flourish. → Allow empathy to bridge gaps. Benefits Await: → Discover a new level of dialogue that fosters understanding. → Build stronger, more resilient personal and professional bonds. → Encourage an environment where growth and learning are nurtured. Three Action Steps to Non-Defensive Communication: Practice active listening. → Hear the message, not just the words. 2. Reflect before you react. → Is this a moment for silence or speech? 3. Choose clarity over confrontation. → Seek to understand, then to be understood. How do you keep yourself from being defensive? Like this content? Ring the 🔔 to Follow ♻️ Repost to share

Would you like a technique to help keep your emotions and communications in check during meetings? In your minds eye, imagine yourself getting ready to present at an important event then your phone rings, you answer it, and you end up hearing some really bad news. What would you do to compose yourself? You’re on in 5 more minutes. That type of scenario is real, I’ve experienced it and so have a lot of other individuals. Bad news BEFORE a presentation is challenging enough, but what about something that triggers your emotions negatively DURING an important meeting, perhaps by a  colleague saying something upsetting or that makes you feel angry. What can you do to keep your emotions in check? First, remove the emotion and instead consider what's being said. Avoid taking it personally and clarify the meaning with a question. And an effective technique is to focus your mind on something in the room that is factual, e.g. look at the wall and silently tell yourself what color it is, or count the number of people in the room. This will reset your brain, giving you a chance to calm down while keeping your emotions, and more importantly, your REPUTATION intact. Whether you feel triggered in a sales call, performance review, interview, or team meeting you only need to “act cool” for a few moments before the feelings will pass. Use the "brain reset" technique and you get to keep your shining reputation! #communicationtraining #leadership #emotionalintelligence

As a recovering irritated person, I developed this for myself over the years and have since helped hundreds of clients tone down their emotional reactivity and stay calm in challenging situations. From frustrating coworkers to getting cutoff in traffic and everything in between. You can start today by… 1. First, journal for a few minutes about what the situations are and why they really bother you. 2. Practice self awareness in real-time to catch the emotional “charge.” Studies show labeling the emotion and separating them from yourself (“I feel” instead of “I am”) is scientifically proven to start calming the body and the mind. 3. Choose to lead with curiosity and/or empathy in your thinking and your communication. Even if you’re feeling emotionally charged, choose it anyway. It might be hard at first but its doable, practicable and improve-able. Comment or message me if you want my free resource teaching you how to stay calm in frustrating situations. #communicationskills #emotionalregulation #emotionalintelligence #leadership #relationship #selfawareness

Remaining calm in a given situation does not mean you are complacent. It is quite the opposite. Remaining calm allows you to see clearly and stand in your power. The next time you are in a state of stress or panic, try this: 👇 🫁 Take Deep Breaths: Focus on your breathing. Inhale slowly through your nose, hold for a few seconds and exhale through your mouth. This helps to calm your nervous system. 🌳 Ground Yourself: Pay attention to your surroundings. Notice the details around you—the colors, textures, and sounds. This can help bring you back to the present moment. 🌞 Positive Affirmations: Remind yourself that you are capable and strong. Repeat affirmations like, "I can handle this" or "I am in control." 🏆 Visualize Success: Imagine a positive outcome to the situation. Visualization can boost your confidence and reduce anxiety. 🔎 Focus on Solutions: Shift your mindset from the problem to finding a solution. This proactive approach can reduce feelings of helplessness. Practicing these steps can help you maintain composure, make better decisions, and handle challenges with grace and confidence.

Practice the Pause. Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you're about to react harshly, and you'll avoid doing and saying things you'll later regret. The power and promise of the pause, especially in the context of your business relationships, is profound. Think of it as a Swiss Army knife, conveying a range of emotions, facilitating a deeper understanding, and enhancing the depth of every interaction. Here's a glimpse into just a few of its relational benefits: 1. Listen Louder! When you pause, it allows you to genuinely listen rather than formulate your next response. 2. Amplify Your Reflection. When you pause, it gives you time and space to reflect on what's being said and what's NOT being said and ensure both a deeper understanding and a more prudent response. 3. Disconnect Your Emotions. When you pause, you create an intentional disconnect between what you feel and how you think or behave. This is how you can prevent reactive, potentially regrettable responses, regain your composure, and approach the situation in a cool, calm, collected manner. 4. Engage Difficult Situations Respectfully. When you pause, you create a moment of relief in difficult, challenging, or otherwise unfortunate situations. You create an opportunity to engage and influence others in how you demonstrate respect for their thoughts and feelings. Your diplomacy conveys civil discourse. 5. Enhance Authenticity, Mindfulness, and Strengthen the Relationship. When you pause, you convey sincerity, speak from a place of genuine reflection, are present in the moment, and create deeper, more authentic, and meaningful relationships. When done skillfully, a certain level of respectful pushback is healthy for every relationship. In business relationships, the strategic use of pauses transform every interaction into more impactful, effective, and empathetic relationships. #pause #pauseandreflect #businessrelationships #relationshipeconomics #leadershipdevelopment #executivecoaching

𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗜𝘀 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗠𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗜𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 - Self-Leadership is the foundational ability that enables you to effectively express all of your other knowledge, skills, strengths, and passions.   The 𝗦𝗢𝗔𝗥 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗖𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 provides a practical roadmap for demonstrating self-awareness, emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and agility when engaging your most important and complex situations that require strong relationships for success. 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳 1) I am clear about my overarching purpose. 2) I can name the personal values I believe in the most. 3) I align my actions to my purpose and personal values. 4) I can describe the environment that brings out my Best Self. 5) I can describe the environment that brings out my Worst Self. 6) I understand my strengths and how to leverage them. 7) I understand my weaknesses and how to mitigate them. 8) prioritize self-care to address my most basic needs. 9) I am aware of when my most fundamental needs are not being met. 𝗢𝘂𝘁𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸 1) I try to understand others’ situations before making judgments. 2) I am aware of how my perception biases can distort how I view situations and people. 3) I am aware of my emotions and can accurately describe my feelings. 4) I know what situations trigger my negative emotions. 5) I understand how my negative feelings can affect my behaviors. 6) When feeling negative emotions, I always pause to gain balance before taking action. 7) I use my breathing to calm my emotions. 8) seek diverse perspectives when encountering complex situations. 9) I stay true to my Best Self when engaging with difficult situations. 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 During my harder conversations: 1) I set intentions that align with my goals and values. 2) I try to create clarity and alignment on the core issue. 3) I am capable of managing others' defensive reactions. 4) I actively try to understand others’ perspectives.  5) I ask follow-up questions to increase my understanding. 6) I allow for silence after asking a question. 7) I am prepared to share my perspectives on the issue. 8) I engage others in creating solutions. 9) I develop clear agreements for shared action. 𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 1) I regularly practice reflection to learn from my actions. 2) I set development goals for ongoing improvement. 3) I prioritize time for learning. 4) I deliberately practice developing new skills. 5) I share my growth goals with trusted peers. 6) I have a social network that supports my learning and growth. 7) I create strategies for overcoming recurring challenges to my development. 8) I actively seek feedback from others. 9) I listen to constructive feedback without being defensive.   *Excerpt from my book, Getting It Right When It Matters Most: Self-Leadership For Work & Life (Gambill and Carbonara, 2021)