BOFH BOFH: Cross-department AI pitches are easier to swallow with a pint in hand Some ideas need workshopping, others need a warning light
BOFH BOFH: Amnesty means never having to say you're sorry There's no I in team, but there is one in insurance fraud
BOFH BOFH: Vibe-coded solutions arrive for problems nobody has The Boss gives common sense an AI wrapper
BOFH BOFH: Arrr, I smell piracy ... and it's comin' from a machine with executive privileges Hang on, can't we just turn off the internet?
BOFH BOFH: If the meatbags can't agree on aircon, AI will decide for them How were we to know Bikram Choudhury was in the training data?
BOFH BOFH: Are you ready to raise our expense account limits now? Yet another AI sales creep ruined by PFY's manual reading tactics
BOFH BOFH: What a beautiful tinfoil hat, Boss! In which our heroes keep the office safe as only they know how
BOFH BOFH: Come back to the office. Your hotdesk is nice and warm When your Christmas bonus is a gaming chair you found in the street
BOFH BOFH: Don't be nervous, Mr Consultant. Come right this way … Simon and the PFY take a closer look at a 'routine' data translation costs bill
BOFH BOFH: You want presentation layer, but we're physical layer Or How to Philosophize with a Hammer
BOFH BOFH: Who us? Sysadmins? Spend time with other departments? Oh yes. We'd be only too happy to leave our basement dwelling and frolic among you
BOFH BOFH: Would I lie to you, Boss? Are they going to search your personal laptop? Maybe. The main thing is not to panic...
BOFH BOFH: Tech helps HR investigate the Boss's devices We're going to need a corkboard, push pins, red yarn and emails dating back to 2003
BOFH BOFH: You'll have to really trust me on this team-building exercise Why shouldn't the stairwell be the preferred location for our fun?
BOFH BOFH: The evil guide to upgrading switches Choose your own adventure! Who will win: the Boss or the IT admins? B or B
BOFH BOFH: Putting the gross in gross insubordination If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of 100 battles
BOFH BOFH: All hail the job cuts consultant Who is that dashing, mysterious caller that has the Boss sweating so profusely on the Zoom?
BOFH BOFH: What a beautiful classic car. Shame if anything were to happen to it And look, your COVID pass is all melted...
BOFH BOFH: The vengeance bus is coming, and everybody's jumping. An Xmas bonus hits me… … and Turing's going to miss me …
BOFH BOFH: Time to put the Pretty Dumb F in PDF reader Thanks for the support. Oh … that's us, is it?
BOFH BOFH: You drive me crazy... and I can't help myself Service provider? You sure about that second bit?
BOFH BOFH: You. Wouldn't. Put. A. Test. Machine. Into. Production. Without. Telling. Us. Right, Mr Beancounter?
BOFH BOFH: Pass the sugar, Asmodeus, and let the meeting of the Fellowship of Bastards … commence Stacy? Stacy of the industry-wide Crazy Frog ringtone VoIP software update? Good work
BOFH BOFH: They say you either love it or you hate it. We can confirm you're going to hate it So what you're saying is you updated the new machines from the network – the infected network
BOFH BOFH: You say goodbye and I say halon I say 'Yes', Boss says 'No'. Boss says 'Stop' … and I say 'Go, go, go!'
BOFH BOFH: But soft! What light through yonder filing cabinet breaks? It is green, and BOFH is not the one. It's only a, er, miner problem …
BOFH BOFH: Where there is darkness, let there be a light Where two or more idiots are gathered together, try to reduce the number of idiots
BOFH BOFH: Here in my car I feel safest of all. I can listen to you ... It keeps me stable for days Yep, read the licence again
BOFH BOFH: Oh for Pete’s sake. Don’t make a spectacle of yourself Just close your eyes and pretend it’s not there. Before you know it, it’ll be the weekend
BOFH BOFH: Despite the extremely hazardous staircase, our IT insurance agreement is at an all-time low. Can't think why Why show them the door when a window will do?
BOFH BOFH: I'm so pleased to be on the call, Boss. No, of course this isn't a recording I was thinking to myself, 'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
BOFH BOFH: But we think the UK tax authorities would be VERY interested in how we used COVID support packages Or we could just all contract a little amnesia...
BOFH BOFH: Postman BOFH's Special Delivery Service Back to the office we trudge, dragging our hooked tails behind us
BOFH BOFH: Bullying? Not on my watch! (It's a Rolex) Aye, me hearties... it is time to call H-ARRRRRGH
BOFH BOFH: Are you a druid? Legally, you have to tell me if you're a druid Er, I mean, droid. In the far reaches of the world, under a lost and lonely hill, lies the OFFICE OF NEVERMORE
BOFH BOFH: Time for the MMOCC. You know, the Massively Moronic Online Christmas Call This year, starring an utterly, er, empowering personal presence guru
BOFH BOFH: Switch off the building? Great idea, Boss Never mind what those blinkenlights are doing. Take a deep breath and this will all be fine
BOFH BOFH: You might want to sit down for this. Oh, right, you can't. Listen carefully: THIS IS NOT AN IT PROBLEM! Oh is that right? The crappy Chromebook is fine now?
BOFH BOFH: Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer... No, no. There's no such thing as a stupid question
BOFH BOFH: Darn Windows 7. It's totally why we need a £1k graphics card for a business computer Look to the future, Boss – you know it makes sense
BOFH BOFH: When was the last time someone said these exact words to you: You are the sunshine of my life? It's survey time in BOFH-land... and the dastardly duo are getting creative
BOFH BOFH: You brought nothing to the party but a six-pack of regret A tale of Simon, the PFY and the consultant
BOFH BOFH: The case of the Boss's hidden USB inkjet printer A little life support from Simon and the PFY
BOFH BOFH: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and the ransomware struck If you don't cough the money, you're well out of luck
BOFH BOFH: I'd like introduce you to a groovy little web log I call 'That's Boss' You know what the kids will think is boss? You, tweeting from that window ledge
BOFH BOFH: Judge us not by the size of our database, but the size of our augmented reality In which the PFY and Simon show the Director their vision of the future
BOFH BOFH: The company survived the disaster recovery test. Just. The Director's car, however... Well, it was an angry mob simulation
BOFH BOFH: We must... have... beer! Only... cure... for... electromagnetic fields Slow your roll, your typewriters will be here anon
BOFH BOFH: What's the Gnasher? Why, it's our heavy-duty macerator sewage pump It's also our nickname for the ISA card guy we have to pay to fix everything
BOFH BOFH: Oh, go on, let's flush all that legacy tech down the toilet Leads? Detective Bastard Operator From Hell has nothing to Go On
BOFH BOFH: On a sunny day like this one, the concrete dries so much more quickly Our hero and the Pimply Faced Youth valiantly bring pub o' clock closer for us all
BOFH BOFH: What's Near Field Implementation? Oh, you'll see. Turn left here The Bastard Operator From Hell continues to meet targets on his roadmap in the latest instalment
BOFH BOFH: It's not just an awesome app, it'll look great on my Insta. . a. a. AAAARRRRRGGH Time to take a custard pie, er, interface...
BOFH BOFH: Bye desktop, bye desk. Hello tablet and a beanbag on the floor On our hero sysadmin's watch? Not likely...
BOFH BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol And let's see how long he takes to crack
BOFH BOFH: Give me a lever long enough and a fool, I mean a fulcrum and .... Simon and PFY gamify the interface
BOFH BOFH: But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the eeeeeeeeeeee-ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH
BOFH BOFH: Oh dear. Did someone get lost on the Audit Trail? Our expenses? Same thing we've filed every year...
BOFH BOFH: Come on, PFY, let's pick a Boss Robot intelligence not there yet... but neither is Boss intelligence
BOFH BOFH: We're only here because they said there would be biscuits BOFH helps promote his company's 'Story' (if promote = bag of quicklime)
BOFH BOFH: Oh go on. Strap me to your Hell Desk, PFY Special tables with special chairs for special people
BOFH BOFH: Elf of Safety? Orc of Admin. Pleased to meet you Come right this way. The PFY doesn't bite... that hard
BOFH BOFH: The Idiot-ware Project and the Meaningless Acronym We'll take you away from misery of Hell Desk
BOFH BOFH: There are no wrong answers, just wrong questions. Mmm, really wrong ones Boss, are you blushing?
BOFH BOFH: The case of the suspicious red icon Could it be a virus? Why, user, you should be head of IT. Yes, I said behead
BOFH BOFH: I found a flying Dragonite on a Windows 2003 domain Just slap on our custom VR headset, Boss
BOFH BOFH: Thermo-electric funeral Just because it's half-dead doesn't mean you shouldn't keep flogging it
BOFH BOFH: Sure, I could make your cheapo printer perform miracles Just as sure as a cattle prod goes BZZZZZT!!!
BOFH BOFH: This laptop has ceased to be. And it's pub o'clock soon Quantum security is no joke, y'know
