I’m a 1st year undergrad in material sciences and engineering.
I was sort of herded into joining a professor's lab after accidentally pointing out a mistake in his lecture. 2 months later he gave me some papers to study (fluid and a bit of thermo) saying this was very shallow in depth, very easy. 2 weeks later got called in for a meeting and ended up getting chewed out for half an hour because I could barely answer his opening question, "Explain this paper to me." While I promised to bring better results next time, his disappointment was just too obvious and unyielding.
It's a struggle to keep up along with class and exams. These don't help anyways because it's way below the papers' level. I do want to do well in this lab. The papers are interesting, research itself is an intriguing process. Even imagining having a career in this area. But I just don't know whether I'm stupid or if he has unrealistic expectations for a freshman. If he was straight out mean or angry, I would be saying adios. But it's pure disappointment and the frustration of "why can't you complete this easy task?"
Along with that I was planning to take a 2nd year engineering math course during the winter break, slightly earlier than the curriculum. But now have to choose between preparing for that or focusing on research.
While I was considering to ask him if I could take it easy until the first half of winter break to focus on my own studies, it feels like it would be pushing it way too far. He mentioned wanting me to write a paper on the topic during the break. I'm speculating he meant one at an undergrad journal level or something. Dude is nice but intimidating as hell. Kept talking about my "future" graduate program.
I’m really not sure how to navigate this. The choice seems to be between giving up on my personal interests (mathematics) to keep my place in this lab or asking the professor about cutting me some slack for the current semester (which I’m afraid may be a foolish offense).
Might be some relevant info - I dropped out of high school thinking academia was not my thing and worked menial jobs for a couple years. So far in college, the main theme was learning how to study. A lot of improvements have been made, but still have some way to go. During the process I found a genuine interest towards mathematics. I’m not sure it will be wise to share personal info like these - it doesn’t feel like it would build rapport with this professor. He comes off as either way too smart or just has been too long since he himself was an undergrad to understand these miscellaneous struggles. It’s a running joke in the lab that he’s some elite government undercover agent, which explains why he ended up in this mid-tier school.