Seventeen years ago, Karlah Ramírez-Tánori was flailing for help. When she got it, she vowed to do the same for anyone else in the same predicament.
Before domestic violence upended Ramírez-Tánori’s life, the restaurants and bars she operated with her in-laws were thriving financially. She had two infant daughters with a husband she loved.
But inside, she says, her husband bore the battle scars of military combat experience. It first manifested as stress that led to emotional abuse and verbal threats. Eventually, he inflicted violence on Ramírez-Tánori.
It was then that Ramírez-Tánori knew she and her children couldn’t wait any longer. They needed a way out.
They found it in LifeWire, a Bellevue-based nonprofit dedicated to helping extract victims of domestic violence from tumultuous situations and supporting them as they work to forge new lives. LifeWire is one of 13 nonprofits benefiting from readers’ donations to The Seattle Times Fund for Those in Need.
Earlier this year, Ramírez-Tánori’s life came full circle. When she was interviewing for the job of director of services for LifeWire, she shared that she had survived domestic violence, but she didn’t disclose that she’d been a LifeWire client until she’d been offered and accepted the job.
“I often tell folks that I’m intimately aware of the impacts of violence, but I don’t necessarily share my story,” she said. “Many of us in this field have this story.”
Like many domestic violence survivors who’ve benefited from LifeWire’s services, Ramírez-Tánori started by calling its 24-hour helpline (425-746-1940 or 1-800-827-8840). She’d called the line twice already at the encouragement of friends, but it was her third call almost immediately after enduring domestic violence that would provide her with a new beginning.
“Someone answered,” Ramírez-Tánori said. “They were compassionate. They were understanding. They were open. They made me feel like my story mattered, like my feelings were valid. And they helped me unpack my next steps.”
LifeWire’s staff of advocates begins by listening in one-on-one settings to understand a survivor’s situation and tailor a support plan. It’s crafted in consideration of each survivor’s specific challenges. The plans take into account emotional support, safety planning and resource referrals.
LifeWire was founded in 1982 as the Eastside Domestic Violence Program, a crisis line staffed exclusively by volunteers and serving the eastside of the Seattle metro area. It began offering emergency shelter and transitional housing services in 1998, and has steadily grown.
LifeWire is now the largest domestic violence housing provider in King County, serving more than 3,300 survivors a year, giving survivors and their children an alternative to remaining in abusive households or becoming homeless.
Financial insecurity and the risk of losing shelter can tether survivors to abusive households, according to Ramírez-Tánori. That’s why LifeWire provides housing options, temporary and longer term.
A total of 156 families, including 235 children, avoided homelessness in 2021 thanks to flexible funds from LifeWire, which provided each family an average of $973. My Sister’s Home, LifeWire’s emergency shelter, hosted 34 people from 13 families last year, according to LifeWire’s annual report. Six out of 10 moved into more stable housing situations.
LifeWire’s transitional shelter, My Friend’s Place, housed 37 people from 15 families in 2021 and secured stable housing for 64% of them. Sixteen families with children received hotel vouchers from LifeWire to make urgent exits from abusive situations, and 15 families with 22 children received rental assistance. The program is geared to assist men, women, gender-fluid, nonbinary and LGBTQ clients, regardless of whether they have children.
In partnership with other domestic violence relief organizations and the faith community, over the years LifeWire has become a vital cog in the broader ecosystem that supports domestic violence survivors.
Sometimes that’s mental health therapy or support groups. For others, legal advocacy obtaining protection orders in court, developing parenting plans, filing for divorce, navigating immigration concerns or other legal hurdles. Local attorneys provide pro bono consultations to LifeWire clients to assist in these areas.
Lack of transportation, employment or childcare can prevent abuse victims from leaving. LifeWire helps find its clients assistance with those facets of resettlement as well.
When circumstances demanded it, LifeWire has helped survivors re-establish their lives in other states, or helped them for years until they found stability.
“We’re there every step of the way,” Ramírez-Tánori said. “Just because they’re not actively fleeing doesn’t mean that they don’t need assistance. We are always available wherever they are in their journey – any bump in the road.”
Ramírez-Tánori’s story is relatable to many LifeWire clients.
After his two tours of duty in Afghanistan, her husband was barely recognizable to her. His temper erupted at the slightest inconveniences, and the emotional abuse began. That’s when she first called the 24-hour hotline that would eventually evolve to become LIfeWire.
She spent two hours talking with an advocate, developing a safety plan. She would call again months later when her husband threatened to harm the family and himself, she said. Those conversations led her to temporarily leave the home and stay with her in-laws, but a week later she chose to give the relationship one more chance. He greeted her with physical violence.
It was then that Ramírez-Tánori committed to leave the marriage, with the help of what would later become LifeWire, which guided her through the divorce process.
It also provided the necessities that are taken for granted at home, but were luxurious to a mom and two babies fleeing for their lives: diapers, clothes for her and the infants, toiletries — plus counseling.
“It is with this additional support that I found the courage to rebuild my life,” Ramírez-Tánori said. “I went back to school, finished my undergrad and completed an associate’s degree in paralegal studies.”
She left behind the lucrative hospitality career and made her passion her profession: helping domestic violence survivors reset their lives.
“At the bars and restaurants, I gave jobs to other folks and helped to sustain a community,” Ramírez-Tánori said. “Now it’s about feeding the heart and not just the wallet so to speak.”
She looks back now with appreciation for LifeWire’s persistent support that enabled her to change the future for herself, her children and now others.
“Nobody has a crystal ball so you don’t know how things are going to end,” Ramírez-Tánori said. “But I knew I had two daughters that were depending on me and that one day would look back and wonder what my story was.
“And I wanted that story to include strength and success, and I wanted them to be proud of me, not just as a mother, but as a woman, a human, that was able to push through.”
And now, her success is even sweeter knowing that she can make a difference for people experiencing what she did.
“I remember what it felt like when somebody answered the phone, when somebody gave me hope when I had none. Somebody cared,” she said. “I knew I needed to get to the other side to one day provide that for others.”